A little segment of melody I composed with my guitar. A low quality demo though... bad guitar playing with background noise. Still it's my first composition that feels right

Part 3

It was noon the next day when she woke up. Lucky that it was a day off for her, so she could have some space to herself and take things slowly. She got out of bed and saw her cat around the corner. He seemed not so eager to see her these days, didn't he? He just glanced at her and then turned his back at her. She had been so preoccupied with her own things recently that she had not paid much attention to him at all. Today, she followed him until he curled up in his usual resting place and began to stroke his head and back. Only then she realized that he had gotten slimmer and noticed signs of fragility as he aged. He looked at her in wide eyes, receiving her without any resentment and it warmed her to feel such unconditional love. She could not help but to shake off her thought that one day, she would have to lose him. Upon that thought, she left him as he curled into a ball and closed his eyes.

It still brought her to tears whenever the radio had a melancholic song on, but it was not pain anymore. She did not know how to describe it...... the music just struck a chord with what she was feeling. She regained composure soon enough and started to clean up her room. With such chaos, she just could not get any work done. And so she thought, things were normal again and she was ready to move on. She had lived all her life up till now with passion in her work, hope to put the haunting shadow of her unhappy family behind, and courage to face the various challenges and setbacks that life holds. With or without him, she would still stay true to herself.

She flipped over a story book, in preparation for her lessons with some young kids. The illustration of Snow White and the prince caught her eyes. She had never believed in 'happily ever after'. Perhaps, she had secretly hoped that there would be a prince to save her from her troubles. She put up a bitter smile and closed the book. Reaching for a blank sheet of paper, she started to draft the outline of an adapted version of the fairy tale. Okay, this time, she would make Snow White the heroine who saved the prince. The kids were creative and enthusiastic enough to sort out the details, so it would be fun. She could not help smiling wryly at this idea. She was not foolish and unlovable afterall.

Part Two

4am. She stared into darkness and felt a sudden rush of warmth on her face. Soon her pillow was wet and breathing hurt. She clutched her blanket to her chest, as if to feel the pain inside. This time, she wanted to know what was hurting her so much, so she just closed her eyes tight and allowed herself to merge with the darkness within her room. It was when she was finally able to breathe that she realized how unfair it was for her to feel like this alone. Foolish enough to fall one-sided and disillusioned enough to hope that he felt the same. She climbed out of her bed, unable to bear with her own delusion, while a part of her still wanted to believe that he lied, to sit up properly. She looked into the mirror and was terrified at the sight of her swollen eyes. How lucky she did not break down in front of him. He must feel burdened no matter if he felt for her or not. And he was going to leave the city for good. She paused for another moment to look straight into her reflection in the mirror. Afterall, she was normal. She could have feelings for others just like any other girl. Coming from a dysfunctional family, she had never dared to think she could feel for someone like this. On this thought, she smiled. Whether this feeling was reciprocal was not important anymore. It was this new found freedom to love others fearlessly that relieved her from her slavery of insecurity and wallowing in self pity. Wide awake by now, she turned on the radio and here came the song.

When night comes and snow begins to fall
I feel sadness softly well up inside me
My tears extinguished the fire in my heart
And I watched as the seasons went by

Outside, it’s cold enough to freeze a sigh
Wind howls through the empty winter streets
I’m at that Akarenga station
Waiting for someone who’ll never return, woo…

Tonight I sing a tearful love serenade
It’s a love song I still haven’t forgotten
Snow, let me celebrate my love once more
Grace this night of lonely tears with white love

Once the holy bell starts to ring
The farthest part of the city appears in a dream
An angel descended from the sky
And smiled for me before the coming of spring, woo…

I pray to overcome this loneliness
My white lover’s waiting for me
So I’ll hold onto dreams, hope and foreverness
Soon these painful days will have white love

Tonight I sing a tearful love serenade
It’s a love song I still haven’t forgotten
Let’s celebrate this new journey one last time
Grace this winter of lonely tears with white love
Ah, ah…
Eternal white love
My love

I just miss you
I can’t take it any more
I need you…
Tears

White Lovers by Kuwata Keisuke

 

 

 

 

A Short Story - Part One

Something just did not feel right. He asked her to keep unimportant stuff and that he would check if she really kept it. He lent her romantic novels to read unsolicited. He directed a neutral conversation about a drama to a romantic scene all of a sudden. He remarked that he liked girls similar to her character. He asked her to go see him while he was away. He bothered to drop by to see if she was alright when she was not feeling well. He cooked her a meal at home. Yet he told her that she misunderstood his intention. She thought to herself that she must be so unlovable and foolish as to mistake his kindness. She thought she did the right thing to ask for an answer, but now she began to doubt if he was really a genuine person she had believed for so long. It broke her heart not because he rejected her, it was her belief in their friendship that shattered. He apologized for making her misunderstand and even said he deserved being thrown at with water and got slapped in the face, but she smiled politely and reprimanded herself for the misunderstanding. Did she just try to be nice? Yes, because she had always been so, but deep within, she knew that she still believed that his kindness was genuine. Wishful thinking, perhaps, but she had that gut feeling that there must be a reason behind his cunning attitude. Despite his ambivalence, he did handle her feelings delicately. Naively, she held on to her belief that true wisdom is when you are able to see through the surface. It was not a matter of being hurt and pushed away. Neither was her own wish to be happy important. It was his struggle so well-disguised that pained her. All she could do was to secretly wish that he could find true happiness and stay true to himself. Yet she did not know why she wanted to cry but could not. She stared into the distance and lost her thoughts.

周杰倫 - "稻香"